Coffee, of all things I thought I could trust you...

No one drinks drip coffee in Australia it seems. It's all posh espresso machines and the cleverly named nespresso machines and stuff.
Which is fine. I love coffee and that love is of the kind that does not discriminate.
However, I have noticed that drinking a pot of espresso doesn't seem to affect me very much, and I can easily have more coffee during the day with no other side effects than my urine smelling suspiciously like a latte (too much information? I'm sorry, I just find it quite interesting how that happens... Maybe I should have my kidneys checked? I've never heard anyone else having this happen to them, but then again maybe most people don't find it necessary to fill people in on what their urine smells like. Unless they've had asparagus recently, which seems to be an acceptable excuse for talking about what you did on your visit to the lavatory).
Nothing else. No twitchiness, no extra energy, no feeling nauseous. Nothing.

What's up with that? I thought to myself.

And I'll tell you what's up:

Apparently drip coffee has more caffeine than espresso, for the simple reason that the water spends a lot more time hanging out with the coffee grind in a drip coffee maker than in an espresso machine.

I am so confused right now.
I mean it makes sense, the way most things do once you have them explained to you, and yet I feel as if I have been deceived.
How is it I didn't know this?
I feel ashamed.
I feel like if coffee was a person I would look at it with a hurt and puzzled look on my face and say something like "It's like I don't even know you anymore".
That's what it feels like.

On children and not having them. At the moment.

A while ago I read an article in the paper, stating that couples without children are generally happier and enjoy way better mental health than couples who have procreated.

Reading this article, all I could think was: "Well, duh.."

Despite my mother assuring me that I was a very good child, and a very good teenager, I can remember quite a few instances of being a complete asshole to my parents. A spoiled brat, whining and screaming and slamming doors, sulking and more often than not responding to the question "how was school today" by throwing a tantrum.
As you do.

It is obvious that in an effort to keep from feeling hate and resentment for her child, my mother has repressed memories of any such incident.
Which is kind of great news, since I do prefer her to keep loving me.

Being a parent a lot of times seems to mean putting up with all kinds of abusive behaviour that in any other kind of relationship would be pretty good grounds on which to tell the person in question to piss off.
That is however, in most cultures not considered good or even acceptable parenting technique, though I'm sure the children of Joseph Fritzel might have some objections to that statement.

Anyway.
I'm sure I will at some point in my life at least attempt having a child, considering fiancé's aversion to indoor pets and all, but a process that starts with not being allowed coffee, wine or soft cheeses for nine months only to be followed by being ripped apart from the inside by a small persons head?
As tempting as that sounds, I think I might have to pass.

At least for now.
But who knows, maybe it's like how I used to hate olives and now I really really like them?
Maybe all that stuff will seem like fun and exciting in a year or two.
Until then, I will continue to gorge myself on cheese and wine and maybe I'll throw in a bit of mercury laced salmon just for the thrill of it.

Conundrum

Today is a very chilly, very windy day. I know this because I briefly ventured outside to get half a rock melon and a glossy mag while at the same time forgetting to buy milk for my coffee which is what I originally left the house for. The situation resulting from this temporary loss of memory is one I find myself in all too often and the question I now have to ask myself is this: Do I want milk for my coffee more than I don't want to go outside?

I really want coffee.
I really don't want to go outside.

Ok.
That didn't really solve anything.
I think I have soy milk. Except I don't really like soy milk in my coffee unless it's coffee from a coffee place (which makes me question purpose of the soy milk in my fridge. I can't even remember buying soy milk. Is it like a back-up milk? In case I run out of regular milk? That makes no sense, why wouldn't I just buy another regular one? This is so frustrating).

...

Whatever. I'm just gonna put some kahlua in my coffee and be done with it. Who needs dairy anyway...
I remember one of my younger brothers telling me that Scandinavian people are the only people in the world who's stomachs can properly process dairy.
So you know, take that French people! You might make delicious cheeses, but you've got nothing on me when it comes to digesting them.