Thursday, 27 August 2009

Desperate houswife and why I shouldn't have children

The past few days I have been channeling the life of a house wife.
Or, according to a few people that shall remain nameless, "doing stuff kind of expected of you since, you know, you're unemployed".

Huh. What a curious thing to say.

Anyway.
For example, I cooked a nice mushroom risotto for dinner last night and had it ready, with the table set and drinks poured, when fiancé came home from work.
However, I was not cooking and serving said risotto dinner dressed in a full skirt and pearls but hey, if there's one thing reading Cosmopolitan has taught me it's that as a woman there are always things about yourself you can change and improve. Yay!
How wonderful it is to be told I will never be good enough!

Also I've spent a whole day doing laundry, hand washing things (note to self: start looking at the laundry tags of garments before buying them. If laundry tag says "cold hand wash only", gently place garment back on hanger and move away from the cash register. I repeat, MOVE AWAY FROM THE CASH REGISTER!), hanging and folding and what not.

Realizing that I have agreed to let fiancé's two little nephews stay over night with us on Friday night I have promptly broken in to a nervous sweat and, going about it like I have a severe case of OCD, tried to come up with activities and meals and treats that will translate to nephews telling their parents about what a great time they had staying at our house.

Because yes. I, a 26 year old woman, am scared of the potentially disapproving judgement of two small children who's collective age is less than mine divided in half (and apparently reminicent of a fourth grade math problem).
Why is this? And also, if it comes to the end of Friday night and it's apparent that nephews have had a less than incredible time, will slipping half a roofie in their warm milk help with wiping those memories out of their pliable little minds?
And more importantly, is this something that will go on my permanent police record if discovered?
Cause I really can't have that.

11 comments:

ladytruth said...

I'm so glad you found me or I found you or whatever! after reading this post. Slipping them roofies? Just make sure to give them half the dose a normal person would take. They are, afterall, children ;)

No seriously, just don't give them too much candy that time of night or you'll have to knock them out with a baseball bat. My nieces get super hyper when they don't stick to their routine and go to bed early even on weekends. Good luck :)

mysterg said...

If the Roofies don't work, you could always revert to the old-fashioned pillow technique. Although be careful as two at the same time tends to draw suspicion...

Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

Wow, you are brilliant. Now that makes 3 of us!

Dutch donut girl said...

Hahaha...
I hope the police go easy on you :)

kristine said...

haha i love your cosmo reflections.

i am sure the kids will have a blast, even without class a drugs. still, good to have a plan b.

Josefine said...

ladytruth - I too am very happy about this! And thanks for the good luck wishes, I'm sure I'll need them.

mysterg - Good point, avoiding suspicion is key here I think. So maybe asking Jon enet Ramsey's parents for advice on this one wasn't such a great idea.

Not so glamorous housewife - Oh you flatterer! You make me blush!

Dutch donut girl - I'm sort of aiming not to get to the point where those well wishes will be needed, but still, thank you!

Kristine - Cosmopolitan is the root of all evil. The magazine, not the coctail obviously. I think actually the opposite might be true for the coctail.

histreasure said...

i realise i'm late in commenting to this but i really wanna know how it went down..the lil terrors, they didn't get fried, now did they?

thanks for the good wishes and prayers for my lil girl..i apprreciate it

One Sassy Girl said...

I'm unemployed too and, yes, I have dinner on the table every night as well! But only because I love to cook. No one expects it of me and I'll miss having the time to do it as well once I get a job again - ugh. Mushroom risotto... yummmm

ladytruth said...

I have something for you over at my blog ;)

Judearoo said...

Heehee! Like it! Donno about doping small children but I've a friend who used to routinely spike her nana's bedtime hot milk with brandy, as Nana said she couldnt sleep. Ten minutes later, out for the count.

Ive a suspicion Nana knew well and throughly enjoyed it, mind...

Josefine said...

histreasure - Haha, no they're still alive and well thank god. The whole night went surprisingly well, no broken bones, no tantrums, we made pizza and rocky road treats and everyone was happy! Only trouble is I'm pretty sure we will be asked to repeat this favour a lot more often now... Hmmm....

One sassy girl - Yeah, I love cooking... well, when there's time to do it properly I mean. I don't enjoy cooking when you cook just cause you have to eat if you know what I mean? To think that my mother managed to cook for us pretty much every single day as I grew up and still keep her sanity is beyond me.

ladytruth - You have taken my blog award virginity, I can I just say that the memory will last a lifetime... In a good way! Unlike some other st... ehr. Right. Thank you! Will pick it up shortly!

Judearoo - I think you would probably be correct in your suspicions... Now, how can I convince fiancé I have trouble sleeping and make him feed me alcohol as a result..?